Bisexuality & Me

Look, its a relatively simple concept to understand, its not difficult, and most people with a functioning brain can get their head around it. There are some folks in the world who prefer the opposite gender, there are some who prefer their own gender, and there are some who see no gender but just people they’re attracted to. Yep, that last little statement is really the best descriptive I can find for us Bi’s, people who are attracted to people first and foremost, then the physical aspects of it come later. Male, female, fuck it, I love ‘em all and have been loved in return by them, with no shame, no guilt and certainly no difficulty in turn. Hell I didn’t even go through any period of so called “sexual confusion” when I was younger, it was just obvious to me from an early age that I was blessed with the ability to feel strong physical and emotional attraction to people, regardless of whether they had a cock or a pussy.   Some people however can’t quite get their heads around this, still believing in a sexuality binary where you must only love one gender or the other, and it’s an impossibility to love both of them they espouse. The usual stereotypes are that bisexuals are either greedy, confused or in denial, promiscuous and perverse (what the hell does perverse mean, something that goes against the “norm” - what the fuck is the “norm” anyway?)  or are somehow desperately trying to undermine the sexuality binary (believe it or not I’ve had that one thrown at me).  Ok, lets take the hammer of truth to a few of these and leave them weeping and bleeding in the dirt shall we?

“You’re confused/You’re in denial/Its a stage you’re going through” -
Ok, first of all that bisexuals are confused or in denial. Yes, some people on their way to either a straight or gay identity will first of all label themselves as bisexual, but this is usually only as a steeping stone to coming out as who they should have come out as in the first place if it was a perfect world, or there may be some confusion on the part of the person as to where their interest truly lie. Elton John for example first came out as bisexual, then got married (a silly move on his part) and then eventually came out as gay.  David Bowie came out as bisexual in the 1970’s and then preceded to live as a straight man in the eighties, and some people who are bisexual will find later in life that they’re quite happy to go on defining themselves according to a mono-sexual label. All fine and dandy, but……….
Take Angela Bowie, a woman who in her fifties (and still damn gorgeous in my opinion) is still fighting for bisexual rights and still defining herself as a proud, bisexual woman. Simone De Beauvoir, the existentialist writer and feminist, was also bisexual having an open relationship with her equally famous existentialist writer and long-life partner Jean Paul Sartre.  Occultist and founder of the spiritual philosophy of Thelema, Aleister Crowley, was bisexual as well, having some very important occult work done with both his Scarlet Women and his male partners. Actors such as James Dean, Marlon Brando, Greta Garbo, Marlene Dietrich, Tallulah Bankhead and many others had bisexual experiences and self-defined as bisexual (James Deans great comment about not “wishing to go through his life with one hand tied behind my back” comes to mind). Some bisexuals such as the writer (and extremely witty raconteur) Gore Vidal, actor Dirk Bogarde and Edith Ellis (wife of sexologist Havelock Ellis) may all have had long term relationships with the opposite gender or the same gender but that doesn’t stop someone from continuing to be bisexual.  Just because a bisexual settles down with one partner does not make them either automatically straight or gay depending on the gender of the partner they live and love with, they may continue to identify with being bisexual [1].
I’d also like to add my list to the fore-going list as well (because I’m an egotistical little bitch and I just can’t resist adding my name to people like Bogarde, Crowley, Dietrich Garbo et al) – I’m 38 now and have been bi since I first started noticing my attraction to men and women at the tender age of 11, it hasn’t changed since then, I still define as bi. And I don’t see that changing any time soon to be quite frank.
And then of course you have the British singer/songwriter Tom Robinson (who actually started out as gay and then came out as bi many years later)! The best way to see this I believe is that sexuality is a spectrum, at one end you have hard straight (never been attracted to someone of the same gender and possibly won’t be) and the other end which is hard gay (never been attracted to someone of the opposite gender and possibly won’t be) and then you have a moving scale in between the two. Some people are bang in the middle as solidly bi (can go either way whenever, whichever they please), some are slightly more to the gay side (but still enjoy the odd heterosexual relationship or attraction) and some who are slightly more to the straight side (but still enjoy the odd homosexual relationship or attraction). Some folks don’t stay in either the hard left or hard right or the perfect middle but slide all over the place as they continue through life………………it’s all good eh?

“You bisexuals are all greedy/promiscuous/perverse” -
Another one that seriously needs to be debunked.  First and foremost to label all bisexuals as somehow greedy and promiscuous is a typical, hasty over-generalisation that is heard a lot coming from people who suffer bi-phobia (or bigoted fucknuts as I like to uncharitably refer to them as) spout.  The next time some fuckwit actually comes out with this old canard, try this one on them – “Do you believe that all Jews are money-grabbers”, “Do you believe that all blacks are potential rapists and burglars” or “Do you believe that all Scotsmen wear kilts?” – of course the offended party will start spluttering with indignation and state that of course they don’t (unless they happen to be a racist, anti-Semitic Scots hater – and if they are, what the fuck are you even doing conversing with such a waste of space?)………so if they won’t use generalisations and outright offensive stereotypes towards blacks, Jews, Scotsmen etc then why are they doing it with someone who’s bisexual? Isn’t it just as much a generalisation and a stereotype as the negro who steals or rapes, the Jew who is supposedly filled with the love of money and control or the Scotsmen who wear kilts (ok some of the latter do, but usually only at Weddings and funerals not 24/7 right)?  Of course it does not need to be stated that burglaries, rapes, love of money, kilts, promiscuity can be applied to individuals but to apply these characteristics to an entire group is just downright fucking stupid (remember kids that what the Nazi’s did, and it didn’t turn out too good for them or their supposed 1000 year Reich did it)? As for the perversity claim, some bisexuals are very experimental sexually as are other people both gay and straight. What the fuck is the problem with that? Instead of using a negative term such as “perverse” perhaps it is more proper to term it “sexually experimental” or “adventurous with the erogenous zones”………..what doesn’t scare the horses, and is between legal, consenting adults shouldn’t be a problem, should it? Unless you’re someone who wishes to use the term “perverse” to demonise people who enjoy different pleasures than you do hmmmmm? That is the reason why you’re using it isn’t it (yes I’m pointing to you in the back row there, don’t think I didn’t notice you sneaking in Mr/Miss I.M. Self-Righteously Repressed, I seen ya)! Leather, bondage, orgies, domination, whips & chains, whipped cream, vibrators, dolls, toys, banana’s, plain old vanilla flavoured sex or any of the 1001 and other various pleasures, fetishes, delights etc that consenting people indulge in – I don’t give a fuck what they are, enjoy them whilst giving pleasure to others too, that’s all that matters! 

As for promiscuous/greedy, yet again what’s the fuss about? As long as precautions are taking as far as sexual diseases go, and other fail-safes are put into place, go for it with as many partners of your choice! By the time you get into old age, you’ll regret it if you haven’t, so go for it whilst you still can, and if you’re an pensioner who still indulges in the delightful pleasures of the flesh (and in the mind too) – I salute you!!!!!  This repressive, I-can’t-do-that-what-will-the-neighbours-think-if-they-found-out attitude I hope will one day be exterminated out of the human mind as the guilty cancer that it is, and that a truly free and open-sexually society where no one has to be ashamed of whatever delightful kinks that give them pleasure can be openly talked about and discussed without snickering in a childish way or seen as somehow “bizarre” or “not normal” (yet again what the fuck is normal, I’ve still to see a collective definition of this word that people can objectively agree upon). I am, of course, referring to some of the exposes one see’s in typical, lurid tabloid newspaper headlines – “Politician caught giving toe-job”, you know the sort right? The news report that reeks of self-righteous, this-is-terrible-tut-tut-type-of-behaviour-its-not-on-we’re-British type of gut-rot.  So fucking what if some politician loves giving a toe-job, its only a problem if he’s a moralistic critic of sexual values who has been caught out in an act of blatant hypocrisy. Who cares if some actor likes to be spanked whilst singing “Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick” (unless he’s prognosticating against Ian Dury’s music)?

On a personal note, I’ll confess freely to having a special, “promiscuously perverse” fantasy regarding a domineering Sarah Palin and Alan Rickman in “Hans Gruber” mode (yeah that bloke from the first Die Hard movie)……….but that’s my deranged fantasy problem and no one else’s, got it?

Sources -
[1] - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_bisexual_people (Further sources within the three directories)

Bi Any Other Way - Bisexual People Speak Out by Lorraine Hutchins et al (A very good source of various people within the bisexual community telling their own stories).
Bisexual Resource Guide by Robyn Ochs (One of the best resource guides there was, alas it hasn’t been updated for several years and seriously needs to be)
Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life – Marjorie Garber (An absolutely fantastic read about how prevalent within various cultures bisexuality has been, she’s also the author of another great work “Vested Interests: Cross-dressing and Cultural Anxiety” which is well worth getting one’s hands on)
Bisexuality: The Psychology & Politics of an Invisible Minority by  Beth A Firestein (Quite academic, but still well worth perusing)
Bisexuality in the Ancient World – Eva Cantarella & Cormac O’Cuilleanain
The Bisexual Option – Fritz M Klein M.D. (Showing that there are other options except for the straight/gay dichotomy)